As I am studying the Gospels I continue to stumble onto moments when Jesus’ ministry is lasared in on the disciples. He may have fed the five thousand and taught the masses but at the end of each teaching we do not find Him breaking down His teaching to anyone but the chosen 12. Jesus sends them in missions, stands back to allow them to fail, miraculously rescues them, and on more occasions than we have recorded, He pushes them into positions that they would have never chosen for themselves. This morning I read Matthew 17:22 where Jesus tells them He will die. Matthew records that they were “greatly distressed.”
The past year has been unique in my development. I can sense Him working on so many levels. I can sense Him working in areas of my heart that I don’t even know exist. It’s a mysterious and deep movement that show itself in little ways, in deeper ways. My direction has not changed since I first received His call at age 14. God has not steered my vessel in an new direction. Instead He has worked within the hull of my ship. It’s my motives that are beginning to change. The desires that had once been my driving force are being purified, slowly. God has not changed my “where’s” as much as He is changing my “why’s”. He’s slowly making this life less about me and more about Him. He is answering my long prayed prayers to be less so He can be greater. The funny thing is that He’s doing all these things without a lot of help from me. He’s working my deepest levels just like He worked the disciples, without my knowledge.
For this movement I thank Him. I thank Him for every day He makes me wait and every circumstance I call a “distress”. I thank Him for these days because I know they are mere bricks on the road to “awe”.