This morning I prepare for a speaking opportunity. As I prepare to jump into my text I am reminded of a story that has set the course of my life in many ways. It is a story I remember often as I prepare to fill a pulpit. It is a story I have never journaled until this morning.
Some 16 years ago I prepared to compete in a preaching competition. The previous two years I had won the event and placed to go to nationals. As a current ninth grader I was in the last year of my age bracket and competing against those who were two years my junior. That year I had strong material and the experience to deliver it. To boot, I had just recently caught on fire for God. He was so real to me for the first time. Everything was new. Everything was changing. From hindsight I should have thoroughly expected this to be the perfect time for God to prune the branches on my pride tree.
I remember that day with extreme clarity. I practiced my sermon one last time, threw my suit jacket on and proceeded to the room where the competition would take place. With all the confidence in my material and in my ability to deliver it I remember clearly telling God on my way to the pulpit, “I don’t need any help, I’ve got this.”
What happened next was predictable. I opened my Bible, started with my opening illustration and realized I was completely alone. I stumbled over my stories. I forgot where I was several times throughout the short message. For the first time and the only time since, I had the overwhelming feeling that I wanted this to be done as soon as possible.
After the message was over I received well wishes from my friends and family. They lied to me the best they could but I knew the obvious. My attempt was a total wreck. I would not be placing for the next round. I knew it was bad and I knew why. Later that night as I spent my customary time in the Word I apologized for my arrogance. I asked God that if I ever got a chance to preach again that I would never forget what it was like to preach without His power. He hammered home in me that day that this was not something I could do. It was however something that He would delight to faithfully do in me.
This may be the first lesson I ever learned right the first time. While other promises I have made to God have gone long by the wayside my promise to never forget that He is the one who gives me the ability and power to speak has never left me. Since that day I have occupied many pulpits that I have had no business standing behind. I have spoken to children, teens, adults, senior citizens and even prisoners. I have stood in college classrooms and conference floors. I have stood in pulpits knowing full well the sinful week I had just entertained. However, no matter how new each experience was, how scary the task has tended to be, and no matter how unworthy I had been to hold my position I have blessedly never forgotten that I can’t do it by myself.
It is a blessed truth to know that I am unworthy every time I open the Word of God. I can’t do it. I’m not smart enough. I’m not skilled enough. I’m small potatoes participating in something as far reaching as eternity. With that knowledge it has been the practice of my heart to plead with God to bless what I have been called to do. Every time, no matter how familiar or abstract my speaking opportunity has been, my heart cries from the humility God drove within me that infamous day at the young age of 14. I can faithfully say that regardless of what my audience might have perceived, there has not been a day when my speaking has not been empowered. I have never had a day since when I truly felt that this was MY gift. There has never been a day when either complements or criticism has not been placed right back at the King’s feet.
Thank you Father for teaching me at such an early age the necessity of Your powerful presence. I am a humble recipient of your grace that has empowered me on more than one occasion when the wisdom of man would have dictated otherwise. As you continue to work on Your servant will you instill that blessed necessity for Your presence in every area of my life. To have not just my preaching but every word, every action and every decision made knowing the complete worthlessness of my own ability. To have every endeavor empowered by Your presence. Oh, what a life that would be!